The Malfoy Mind
by XxHarry-DracoxX
Summary: "Ugh! How can these people pair me up with *shudder* Granger? Gah! And that She-Weasel. Ew! My fans are truly disgusting, except for the Drarry shippers. They, on the other hand, have good taste." Draco smirked at the M rated Drarry fanfiction. D.M/H.P!
1. First Chapter

**Title: The Malfoy Mind**

**Author: XxHarry-DracoxX**

**Rated: M**

**Genre(s): Humor/Romance**

**Pairing(s): Draco/Harry**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. If I did, then would I be sitting here reading/writing fanfictions? NO! I would be gathering back all my books, and rewriting them. I would return new and improved versions back - with slashy Drarry goodness in every chapter!**

**Full summary: ****"Ugh! How can these people pair me up with *shudder* Granger? Gah! And that She-Weasel. Ew! My fans are truly disgusting, except for the Drarry shippers. They, on the other hand, have good taste." Draco smirked at the M rated Drarry fanfiction. D.M/H.P!**

**Warning(s): SLASH! OOCness! DRARRY! (YAAY!). You may lose a few brain cells in the process :P**

**BETA: ChickieGirl433**

"Speech"

_Thoughts_

**Fanfictions**

**_Letters_**

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><p>Okay, people!<p>

This is XxHarry-DracoxX!

I know that instead of this, I should be finishing my currently paused story "Artifical Love", but I have a major case of Writer's Block for that so maybe this'll help ease everything over.

This story is basically about Draco knowing what Fanfiction(dot)net is, and he likes to read Drarry fanfictions. By the way, Draco and Harry ARE A COUPLE! AS IN _GAY_!

Anyway, one day, Draco stumbles upon OTHER pairings like: Dramione, Snaco, Harmony, Ginarry (I think that's it), Ginco(?) (Ginny/Draco), etc, etc.

**WARNING: THIS IS A STORY THAT IS NOT TO BE TAKEN SIRISULY!**  
>See what I did there?<p>

Yeah, I'm smart *proud smile*

**SO JUST GO ON AHEAD TO THE NEXT CHAPTER AND READ MY STORY!**  
><strong>THE CHAPTERS ARE SHORT AND THIS MAY BE UPDATED LATE SO IT WOULD BE BETTER TO PUT THIS ON ALERT!<strong>

_**THIS STORIES AMAZING BETA READER IS CHICKIEGIRL433! **_

_**Instead of writing the title, my beta, warnings, blah blah blah on every chapter, I just added everything in the beginning. In the actual story, there will only be an author's note at the top and bottom. **_

- XxHarry-DracoxX


	2. Dramione

**_The Malfoy Mind _**

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><p><strong>AN: This is just something I wanted to write. I lost my inspiration for Artificial two days ago, and I'm heartbroken :(  
>So, this little idea was jumping in the back of my messed up mind, and I decided to write it!<br>HOPE YOU ENJOY!**

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><p><strong>Chapter One<br>_.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._ **

**Dramione**

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><p><strong>I WISH MY NAME WAS BOB! <strong>

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><p>Draco Malfoy stared at the screen with horror etched upon his pale face. His silver eyes were wide in shock, and his mouth was open in an <em>'O'<em> shape. The Malfoy heir's eyebrows were raised, and his cheeks were tinged faint pink from humiliation.

His boyfriend, Harry Potter, had bought him a laptop for his birthday three months ago. It took him four days to get over the fact it was a muggle object, a week to learn how to turn it on, two weeks to learn how it worked, and the rest of the time was spent on a muggle website called Fanfiction(dot)net. He always read Drarry stories - preferably the M rated ones.

But today he had stumbled upon something...different. Something disturbing. Other pairings.

_How dare they pair me with somebody other than MY Harry_? The blond thought in outrage. He scrolled down the author's note and read with a scowl etched on his pretty-boy face.

**Hermione swallowed nervously. Ever since Lavender Brown and Ginny Weasley had given her a makeover, she had been very scared of this day. This was the day she was gonna confront her long-time crush, Draco Lucius Malfoy.**

_I wouldn't give her a second look_, Draco thought and rolled his eyes at the stupidity of the author.

**She was going to ask him out during dinner, which was now. Trembling, she walked up to the Slytherin table.**

**Everyone's eyes followed her. Boys stared at her, wondering who this gorgeous girl was. The girls pulled their boyfriends closer and shot her looks filled with jealousy.**  
><strong>It was true, she was beautiful now. <em>She already was<em>, as Ginny had said.**

_She-Weasel is a good liar, Granger. Don't believe everything you hear_, Draco snorted both out loud and mentally.

**A blush was playing on her smooth, flawless cheeks. Draco watched her with interest evident in his beautiful silver eyes. Hermione swallowed, and lowered her eyes. She stopped right in front of him. Realizing he was eyeing her breasts, she shuffled uncomfortably when she saw Ginny standing by the entrance of the Great Hall. Ginny caught her eye and shook her head quickly. She then flipped her hair over her shoulder, fluttered her eyelashes and smiled seductively. Hermione copied the youngest Weasley with ease, and her smile widened when Draco's eyes trailed up and down her body. A smile played on his lips.**

**"Granger," Draco murmured and got up. His eyes were sparkling with mischief, which Hermione liked. "You look good..."**

_Someone must have slipped drugs into my pumpkin juice_, Draco scoffed. Draco scrolled down. He skipped more and more of the story, until he was on the fifth chapter. Draco was skimming over it, not really reading it, until he stopped dead in the middle of the chapter.

**Hermione's moans grew louder. Her eyes were screwed shut with tears leaking, and her bruised red lips were parted. Her chocolate brown curly hair was spread across the white silk pillows like a river. The golden glow of the candle chandelier made her look even more beautiful.**

**Draco opened his eyes above her and stared at her face. He slowed down his thrusts, and said:**

**"Open your eyes, love."**

**"Ah - Ah!" Hermione complied and stared up at him. Once again, his thrusts were fast and hard. Everything was tinted black in her eyesight. The only thing she saw was the angel above her. Hermione was on a cloud of pleasure, she was floating in peace, lust, and mountains of love.**

**Wet, sweaty skin slapped against sweaty skin and they both came with a loud cry. Draco collapsed beside her. Her pulled Hermione close into his chest, and sighed when she wrapped her arms around his waist.**

**"That was amazing, Drake." Hermione's voice was muffled by his smooth chest, but he heard her perfectly. Draco muttered an 'I love you' which she returned, and then fell asleep.**

The Malfoy skipped the part where he and Granger have morning-sex and quickly shut down the laptop. He pushed it onto his bed side table and _Accio_-ed a piece of parchment, a bottle of ink, and a quill.  
>He was going to give this author a piece of his mind.<p>

_**Dear, Draco-Loves-Dramione**_

_**Listen here, bitch! I don't know WHO you think you are, but you have NO RIGHT to write such disgusting stories about Hermione Granger and I. That story is disgusting! Honestly, I would never date that buck tooth beaver.**_

_**And by the way, she is in no way gorgeous. She has bushy, dull coloured brown hair that's all over the place. Her eyes are pretty, I'll admit that, but they are not the most beautiful eyes I have ever laid eyes on! The most beautiful eyes belong to my lover, Harry Potter!**_

_**Yeah, that's right! I'm dating a guy, I'm GAY! I like - LOVE sucking dick (preferably a certain Wizarding World Hero's dick)! I would never sully my mouth by that muggleborn's pussy! *Insert shudder here*.**_

_**I DO NOT like breasts - those lumps. I prefer smooth, FLAT chests. Now those are hot. Not two bumps. In my opinion, Granger's boobs don't look like boobs! They look like two demented SMALL raisins. Yes - I have seen her chest. She was drunk, and she seemed to think I was beautiful - which I am, mind you.**_

_**Anyway, I HIGHLY advice you to delete that story, and pass on the message to any other 'Dramione' shippers.**_

_**- Draco Lucius Malfoy**_

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><p><span>LIST OF THINGS I DO NOT LIKE ABOUT DRAMIONE<span>

By: Draco L. Malfoy

_- It's not Drarry_

_- It's disgusting_

_- Granger's a **dull , boring bookworm** who lives in the library_

_- It's not Drarry_

_- She's got boobs - I mean, talk about gross!_

_- A penis tastes better than vagina_

_- It's Granger and I together_

_- It's not Drarry_

_- Our horoscopes are not compatible - I think._

_- I would never touch a Muggleborn_

_- She's ugly. Okay, so maybe she's cute, but I don't like cute people. I likes **supermegafoxyawesomehot** people. Like Harry :)_

_-And did I mention, **IT'S NOT DRARR****Y****!**_

Draco clicked the new story buttons on Fanfiction(dot)net. _Oh yes_, he was going to publish this little list. Who knows, maybe he'll add another chapter soon!

"Love?" the sound made Draco jump a foot in the air. He shut his computer off, and set it on the table. Draco folded his legs underneath him, making room for his husband.

Soft lips pressed against his forehead, making him sigh peacefully in his mind.

"Need help?" Draco offered with a small smile. He stroked Harry's member through his trousers.

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><p><strong>EXTRA SCENE:<strong>

Draco-Loves-Dramione stared at the letter before her. She could not fucking believe this!_ DRACO FUCKING MALFOY HAD WRITTEN TO HER!_

The large grin almost split her face in half, but she ignored the ache. She began to read the note, squealing until she read the first line:

**_Listen here, bitch!_**

Her faced paled more and more until she was close to tears. Finally, she folded the letter back up. Suddenly feeling a surge of hate directed towards the savior of the Wizarding World, she began to write a rather nasty letter towards him.

Stupid bastard! He took Draco away from Hermione.

The two were meant to be together!

On her bed sat her best friend, Amelia, who just so happened to be a _secret Drarry fan_. She watched her friend's furious red face scribbling non-sense onto her notebook. The Dramione shipper ripped the page off, and handed it over to Draco Malfoy's owl.

"Oh, Penelope." Amelia sighed and shook her head at her friend. She looked disappointed on the outside, but on the inside...she was in heaven.

_Drarry rocks_, she thought with a mental grin.

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><p><strong>Hope you likey!<br>Review, 'cause when I don't get reviews, I pause my writing for a while, making you wait longer 'cause I think I should wait for more readers to find this (the ones that review)**

**SO PLEASE REVIEW, MY MONKEYS!  
>IF YOU REVIEW, YOU WILL GET A FREE <strong>_Francisco Lachowski_**!**

**Don't know who he is?**

**Search him up, he's SEXY AS FUCK! **


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